A Mother's Love

Perhaps one of the most ubiquitous sayings is that there is no love stronger than a mother's love for her children.  People say and hear it so much at that it almost loses its impact due to the callousness that repetition can bring.  "When you're a mother, you'll understand," I used to hear my mother say.  "You won't be able to comprehend a mother's love until you're a mother yourself," almost every one of my friends would say when I asked. I can now join them because I understand.

Yes, I love and adore my family.  I love my parents, my siblings, my dear friends, and my husband.  I love them dearly.  But, the love I have for my children surpasses any love.

1.) Looking them in the eyes is like seeing everything beautiful in the world in two little eyeballs.  When I look at my son, I can see myself, my husband, little bits of other family members, and pure beauty.  When I look at my daughter's eyes, I see the crystal blue eyes of my grandparents that I never got to know.  My children carry the legacy of my family.

2.) When I say that I wish I could take all their discomfort away and would happily take it on myself, I MEAN IT.  Do I wish I could take the discomfort of others away? Of course I do.  Would I take on their pain begrudgingly? Probably.  But my children, there is no question.  I don't have to think for any amount a time about the answer.

3.) I would sacrifice my life for theirs.  I've always valued life to the fullest.  The thought of the leaving this world and not knowing what's next or if there is anything next can be terrifying.  But would I face that to save my child? ABSOLUTELY.

4.) Lord help anyone who ever hurts them.

Bed Rest

 Starting on week 26, my OB, who has delivered more multiple pregnancies than any other physician in Birmingham, usually puts women with multiples on light bed rest and then follows up as necessary.  My circumstances were slightly different due to my high risk pregnancy, which I will elaborate on at another time, he put me on bed rest starting at 22 weeks and then full bed rest starting at 26.  Let me define what I could do.

Partial Bed Rest: Just relax, have the husband do all the chores around the house, get up to take a shower, get up to make a light meal, but then go sit back down and relax.

Full Best Rest: "Girl you better not get up out dat bed or dem babies might fall out."  "Are you doing dishes? Oh I KNOW you are not doing dishes! You go lay back down!"

Yeah, this was where you basically wake up, lie in bed all day, can't do any chores, can only leave the house for the weekly doc's appt., get up to pee, and take a short shower every day.  Then, back to bed.  I wasn't strictly made to lie flat on my side but, to be honest, it was much more comfortable than sitting up propped on pillows because that hurt my tailbone like crazy.


Here's the million dollar question: "How do you go from suddenly feeling fantastic in your pregnancy and wanting to get everything in the world done and being completely anal about your house to just lying there and stay sane?"

Well, this was something I had to figure out over time.  But here were some of my coping strategies.

1) Psychology.  Just plain psychology.  I'm about to be popping out two children whose lives I will be completely responsible for.  I will not sleep.  I won't be able to lounge around, so why not enjoy lounging around anyway?

2) Ummm... I kinda like lounging a bit anyway.  Not all day every day lounging, but I treated it as a huge binge.

3) No chores.  Enough said.

4) My husband cooked my delicious meals every day and night and brought them to me in bed.

5) My mother brought me her kindle, which had a mix of obscure sci-fi, more obscure sci-fi, and the Hunger Games Books.  Needless to say I read those and became obsessed.  She also brought me a cross-stitching kit, so I cross-stitched two bibs for the babes and started on a blanket for them (which I still haven't finished.)

6) Couponing.  Hey, no better time to get frugal than when entering parenthood! So, I got really into couponing and researched all the stores' sales and deals of the week and matched up coupons, etc.. I made detailed lists and gathered the coupons in an envelope and hubs made the shopping trips and face timed me when he had a question.  That was a great time.  We stockpiled a lot of stuff, some of which we still have.

7) Netflix, HuluPlus, YouTube

Right around the end of my pregnancy I felt compelled to watch something silly so I chose Flavor of Love ft. Flavor Flav. After watching the magic of New York, I saw that her spin-off show was also on HuluPlus, so I invested my valuable rest time into watching men act ridiculous.  When my water broke I was listening to men fight over her.  Anyone in the mid-2000's that watched cable probably remembers this glorious garbage.

Postpartum Twin Belly

 The Dreaded Post Partum Twin Belly

I didn't have the perfect belly before I got pregnant and it is not perfect now.  When I was five months old, I had an exploratory laparotomy due to a bowel perforation and a resulting acute abdomen. Consequently, I have a scar starting right above my belly button running horizontally to the outer third of my belly.  If I flex hard enough, the scar makes my tummy look like it's smirking.  I also had my belly button pierced the day I turned eighteen (it was the early 2000s, gimme slack).  I worried that my pregnancy would do weird things with my scar and that the musculature underneath would get deformed, that I would have unimaginable stretch marks (I got some on my hips and boobs during puberty so I know my body is capable...), that I would have tons of loose skin to deal with, that I would lose my waistline, and that I would never look the same. I had prepared myself to accept a new body. 

Well, I was wrong.  Despite my pregnancy obstacles, my belly and skin held up surprisingly well! Here are some pictures to give expecting twin mamas some hope.  

Pregnant Belly: 

29 weeks

30 weeks

About a week before I delivered.  I'm on the left, because I obviously wore the same dress every day. 

 

*WARNING: the next picture is for educational and hope purposes only

This is me a few days after I delivered.  (Please note the mesh Borat-style hospital-provided C-section underwear.) My belly button never popped out. It turned into the Grand Canyon instead.  Nevertheless, isn't my baby PRECIOUS?

AND 11 MONTHS POST PARTUM (from a few different angles)

These photos haven't been retouched or airbrushed, but my bathroom does have good lighting.

Hooray! My waist came back!

Side (a little bloated... girlie time, if ya get my drift.)

Front (You can see my ex-lap scar to your right and where my stupid belly button piercing was. My C-section scar has basically disappeared)

Back-ish.  I know, I'm lacking in the booty department, but this baby-chasing has started toning some muscles. 

Oblique, better view of my scar from infancy

What do I attribute it to?

(I don't know if any of these things actually contributed to the return to normal tummy, but maybe)  

1. WATER - I chugged it constantly, and not in a smug "I drink lots of water" kind of way.  I was insatiably thirsty. 

2. VEGANISM - I was vegan a year before I got pregnant, I stayed vegan throughout my whole pregnancy, and I'm still vegan. 

3. GENETICS - My mom had five children and has only a few little stretch marks on her lower abdomen.  She's also 5'2" and barely tipped the scale at 100 pounds during her childbearing years.  I'm 5'5 and my happy weight is anywhere between 125 and 140.  I'm 126 right now.  I was probably 180 when I delivered.  

4. LOTIONS AND OILS - Two words: MAMA MIO.  I don't know if they had a darn thing to do with my not getting stretch marks, but I slathered on the tummy rub butter and tummy oil whenever I thought about it.  Some days I forgot and some days I was constantly slathering.  I also tried to massage a little to help with circulation and perhaps stimulate collagen and help the dermis not rip. ( Not evidence-based, but I did it anyway.) 

5. EARLY DELIVERY - delivered 3.5 hours before I hit the 32 week mark, but measured well over term.  I don't know what would have happened had I carried them any longer.  But, I didn't, so it is what it is.  

6. ACTIVITY - I haven't done a single crunch and I've worked out, maybe twice.  But, I have to power-walk these kids to bed. Additionally,  I bend, squat, and contort a lot (those with twins understand) to the point of tachycardia, so I feel like that has helped.

7. RETURN TO HEALTHY WEIGHT - I look thinner now because I am thinner.  Simple as that.  I eat less. When I was pregnant, I would mix up a batch of brownies to bake and eat all of the batter.  Enough said.  Needless to say, I don't do that anymore.  My normal appetite has returned . I eat when I'm hungry and I stop when I' full.  I pig out when I'm PMSing and I forget to eat when I'm super-crazy-busy.  I've had plenty of weight fluctuation in my life but I've never been a big girl.  

In conclusion:

With pregnancy, there's no way to know how your body will look afterward.  If I had gotten stretch marks or hadn't been able to lose any weight or had loose skin, it would still be okay.  Early in my pregnancy, I accepted the fact that my body would never be the same.  Strangely enough, it's almost exactly the same.  I am actually now on the lower end of my happy weight (126) I was about 135 (still happy weight) when I got pregnant and around 180 when I delivered. My belly was never perfect because of my scar, but if it weren't for that scar, I wouldn't be alive. I rock that scar and I will continue to rock that scar.  

I hope that no matter what happens to anyone's body due to pregnancy, that they LOVE their bodies for what they have given them.  Our bodies are amazing.  But, realistically, I know that we need to feel good about ourselves also.  I don't know if what I did during pregnancy helped me or if it was pure genetics, but perhaps chugging water and using Mama Mio rubs are the answer! I hope they are! (I won't get on my soapbox about veganism.) 

My Essential Twin Baby Products

With the constant bombardment of baby product ads and recommendations from friends, etc., it can be hard to choose baby products.  Sensory overload city.  So, you're welcome, because I did some of the work for you.

Here are some of the baby products I would not have stayed sane without after my twins were born.

1) Fisher Price Rock and Play

Why?

Because they're awesome.  They're basically mini-basinnets.  They have a slight incline, which is great for reflux.  They fold up, don't take up much space, and you can unfold them with one hand.  They rock, vibrate, and sit right at couch level (ours was a splurge from pottery barn).  They also have safety straps.  These came in very handy when I had to feed both of them simultaneously (once they had sufficient neck control.)  My babies hung out in these all the time when they were tiny.

Available at Target and most stores that sell baby stuff

2) Snuza Hero Baby Monitor

Why? 

I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety shortly after my twins were born.  When they came home from the NICU, I could not sleep because I was constantly standing over their co-sleeper making sure they were breathing.  Without these, I would have never slept.  These provided me invaluable peace of mind.  I opted for these over the Angel Mat monitors, and I'm glad I did.  

They're small and non-irritating to the baby.  They clip onto the baby's diaper.  If it doesn't sense any breathing for 15 seconds (short apnea spells can be normal in newborns,) it vibrates to rouse the baby.  If, after five more seconds, it still doesn't sense movement, a loud, but not overly obnoxious alarm sounds off.  It's loud enough to wake me and I'm a pretty heavy sleeper.  

Life and sleep saver.  Peace of mind-granted.  We plan on using them until they're a year old. 

Ordered online

Here is the link from the website.  My mother ordered two of them online for me.  http://www.snuza.com/content.php?product=hero

3) Dr. Brown's Formula Mixing Pitcher

Mixing tons of bottles of formula every day is exhausting.  Not to mention, the formula they were sent home from the NICU with, Similac NeoSure, takes an inordinate amount of shaking/stirring to mix.  So, we got this thing and I'm SO glad we did.  It has saved hours of work.  Well worth the buy.

Got this at Babies R' Us

4) Joovy Twin Roo Carseat Stroller

After poring over reviews and looking at many options for twin strollers, this is the one we went with.  We looked at the snap and go frames, but our Graco carseats didn't actually "snap" onto them.  That bothered me.  

This frame is sturdy, folds easily, has cup-holders below baby level so if there's a spill it won't get on the baby, and is the best option we found.  Get it.  

Ordered online

.  

The seats snap in sideways and it's awesome.

5) Aden & Anais Muslin (and Bamboo) Blankets 

I bought a bunch of these and received several as gifts and had planned to use them to gracefully swaddle and cuddle the babies.  While that was and still is one of their purposes, they also work well as burp cloths, shoulder cloths, wiping spittle off the floor and other surfaces, wiping spittle off of mommy/daddy/guests/baby, and for any other possible reason a moment calls for.  Throw them in the wash, and they're good as new.  

Note: The bamboo blankets are so soft, but very delicate and become less soft with time.  They're probably less durable than the muslin blankets but are very luxurious.

Pack of 4 available at Target and other baby stores. 

6) HALO Sleep Sacks and Sleep Sack Swaddles

They keep the babies warm and the blankets don't get caught around their faces.  I still use these.  They come in different materials from cotton to fleece, depending on the weather. The flaps on the swaddles can be fastened over or under their arms.  I stopped swaddling over their arms once the babies could roll from their backs to tummies because I wanted them to have free hands to push themselves back over.  

Ordered online but available at stores

There are many other things that I have found useful, but these were some absolute lifesavers.  

My Family

Just a little intro to my family: 

Me

 Beth, 31-years-old, G1P2 (medical jargon), general goofball, not a model, nurse (practitioner, to-be)

Husband

 James, 31-years-old, critical thinker, physician, smarty-pants

Son

Harrison (a.k.a. "Harry"), 10 months old, curious sweetie-pie

Daughter

Olivia (a.k.a. "Livie"), 10-months-old, sweet smiley sunshine

The Birth of my Twins

Well, I guess it all starts here.

Taken 9 days before birth.

My daughter and son were born February 23, 2014 at Brookwood Medical Center in Birmingham, Alabama.  It was a beautiful and terrifying experience.  Here is the sequence of events:

1) I'm at home on complete bedrest at 31 weeks 5 days.  At this point, I had been on bed rest for 12 weeks so I had made peace with the fact that from time to time, I would definitely indulge in some trashy TV/Hulu/Netflix.  I had just finished old episodes of Flavor of Love seasons 1 and 2, couldn't get enough of the beautiful train wreck, then had to watch I Love New York, the illustrious spin-off series.  I was halfway through season 2 when...... my panties were a little soaked.  But just a little.  I changed panties.  Those soaked through within about 20 minutes.  First thought? Possible amniotic fluid leak, but I figured it was probably some watery discharge.  I called the on call doc, Dr. Huggins, who told me to come on in and get it checked out.

2) Husband is at a Dungeons and Dragons game with his friends.  This is a game for nerds.  I tried to play it once and was bored out of my mind.  I prefer Cards Against Humanity or Cranium.. or even Chess.  Anyway, I called him and he headed home, thinking it was a possible leak.

3) We arrive at the lovely Women's Center at Brookwood Hospital.  No, seriously, this place is like a spa.  I was admitted for preterm labor at 26 weeks and stayed a week.  I didn't want to leave.  They have HEATED TOILETS and will bring you all the food you want.

4) They don't even send me to triage.  They admit me, the nurse swabs me, the tip turns blue, positive for amniotic fluid.  Yes, I am leaking.  One of the bags has broken.  She checks my cervix and I am 1 cm dilated.  After she left the room, I got up to go to the restroom.  At this point it goes from amniotic fluid leak to water breaking all over the floor.  Husband proceeds to make me a towel diaper and helps me to the restroom.  I continue to leak bloody fluid for a while.

5) Dr. Huggins suggests that we try a vaginal birth, which I wanted anyway.  My doctor prefers C-sections on multiples due to the many complications he has seen in multiple births.  So, I decide to go to sleep and just see how things progress.

6) By 8 am I am 2 cm dilated so they give me some pitocin, which I had heard nightmarish things about, but it wasn't so bad..... YET.  I had wanted to do an all natural birth with no drugs.  My friend, who was pregnant with me, and I had just watched The Business of Being Born and decided to take the woo woo approach.  Yeah... probably not the best idea for multiples.  Needless to say, the more it progressed, the less intent on going au naturel I was, so when the nurse offered me Nubain, I told her to bring it on.

7) New on-call doc insists on placing an internal monitor.  I will not go into this because I am relaxed now and I will tell this story another time.  Let's just say I got an epidural right afterwards.

8 ) 8 p.m. arrives and I still haven't progressed past 4 cm.  So.. C-section.  Shit.  At this point, I am terrified.  In fact, when the anesthesiologist entered the room and asked how I was feeling I told him I was "scared shitless."  He laughed and said they would take good care of me.  This still did not change the fact that my last words to my mother before they wheeled me into the O.R. were "Mom, I don't want to die."  Apparently, my sister, who is a therapist, had to keep my mother calm during the whole procedure.  Sorry, Mommy.  I was truly terrified.

9 ) THE PROCEDURE

They wheeled me into the O.R. and would not let my husband come in until I was completely prepped.  I had already had an epidural so they just strengthened it so I went from legs feeling "asleep" to having no feeling at all.  I was terrified every second.  Surgery is scary, especially when you're awake and they're cutting into your pelvis.  They lay me down on the operating table and let me use my pillow from home (thank you!) and the CRNA is back with me.  Funny thing is, there were FIVE different women in the operating room with twins: me, the physician, the CRNA, the labor and delivery nurse, and the NICU nurse.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the smile of a woman scared out of her mind. 

The neonatologist and nurses from the NICU were in the room and prepared for the delivery.  That was comforting.  My husband finally arrives and I don't know if it's the fact that I know my babies or about to be born or if they put something in my IV, but I start to feel a little better.

At 8:23 p.m. on February 23, 2014, Olivia Claire was born and at 8:25, Harrison James was born.

Olivia, 3 lb 4 oz

Harrison, 3 lb 3 oz

Even knowing they were on their way to the NICU for God knows how long, I was obsessed from the first moment I saw them.